i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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