Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
