I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
