There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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