hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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