i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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