I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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