I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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