If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize