I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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