New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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