i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
BRING THE BAGELS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
