just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize