No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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