You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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