Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
