last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
