discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am one with the molecules
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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