on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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