I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sext me about skeletons
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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