you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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