On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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