Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
