I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
