doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just gift wrapped bread.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
