We should reintroduce naked Mondays
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize