ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
