you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
