what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
