I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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