I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
