I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
