i jhust puked up my retainher.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
