we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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