Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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