Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
