6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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