I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
