You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
