Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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