Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
