She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
