Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
