Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize