Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
