When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
