Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
