Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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