I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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