youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
