watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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