Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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