she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize