um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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