the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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