Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
