I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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