I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
