Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
True strength comes from lack of pants
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
