what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
