and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
