and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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