The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
