somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
