This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
