Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
