Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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