How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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