I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
