its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
