he wants to bone in the snuggie
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
